"Don't you fight with me!"

It was a slow day and hardly anyone was coming into the store so I was hanging out by the front register talking to the cashier. Because it is my habit, I was staring outside and scanning passersby when a man rode up on his bike, dismounted, came into the store, and went directly to the back of the store.

Now, I probably would have watched him anyway, but because it was such a slow day, I was now very eager to do so and decided to have little fun with him as I did so.

I circled around to the back and flanked him, getting as close as I could to watch him. I soon observed him select and conceal some merchandise and start doing head checks.

Because I was so close, when he started to move toward me I really had to skedaddle to get out of his way. I was able to do so without him seeing me, but I suspect that he heard me as he now started to wander around the store looking as if he was looking for someone watching him.

I decided to back off a little and as I did so he slipped out the door. He hopped on his bike before I had the chance to get halfway to the door because I had given him too much leeway.

I came barreling out the door, almost running into an incoming customer and began to sprint at this guy as he rode his bike away.

he turned his head and saw me so he really put the "rubber to the peddle" so to speak, and began to try to outrun me.

Thankfully I had momentum behind me and he was on too high of a gear to speed up very fast so I soon caught ahold of his sweatshirt hood and began to put on the brakes.

This worked, but he now began to fall inward toward me as he slowed down. He fell over right in front of me as I was still running (remember the momentum?) and I had to jump over him and his bike in a flying somersault (thank you Aikido!) and as I came up he was getting up as well.

Once he was up I was already moving toward him and yelling that I was store security and that he needed to get on the ground NOW!

As is often the case he didn't think this was a good idea and, rather than running away as is usually the case, he squared off at me!

I yelled, "Don't you fight with me!" and began to get low for a tackle. I think I must have looked serious because now he ran...right toward and into traffic! I had to chase him down and yank him back onto the sidewalk just as a car zoomed right by me and honked (with full Doppler effect)!

Once I got ahold of him, I took him to the ground and had my way with him. Apparently someone saw all of the commotion and called the police because I could now hear sirens in the distance and they soon arrived.

After all of that the guy still had the nerve to try and plead with me not to press charges and let him go. Um, no.